My baby turned 5 this week. Another milestone has passed.
I used to always feel sad at each of their birthdays. Lamenting how they were growing too fast. Longing for their chunky babyness to remain. Another year older marked the perfect time for me to drown myself in old video footage from the years before.
I have always referred to Imogen as “my baby”. Calling her “my best baby” to differentiate her from Jaz, who is “my best big girl”.
So at her birthday dinner when I called her “baby girl”, she said, “I’m 5 now, I’m not a baby anymore.” Historically this would have sent me into a weepy decline. Now I would definitely be dragging out baby videos when we got home?? But I felt just fine. I have wanted to get my head around their inevitable growth .. to feel good about it.
For me, the key to this acceptance is not feeling regretful about my parenting. There is no, “I wish I had done more of this… or less of that…” I am an engaged, happy parent most of the time. And for the many times that I am not, I don’t beat myself up about it.
Now Imi is 5 and starts school next week. And I just feel thankful for her 5 glorious baby years and am ready for the next stage. No tears required.
As I tucked her in after a long day of picnicking, bushwalking and celebrating, I tested… “goodnight baby big girl.” She seemed content with the new title, for now…
Jaz and Will pressing a finger in each others back to help them up the hill.
